Welcome back to Scare Me! a weekly horror newsletter. Today, I’m recapping my first-ever StokerCon!

Last week, I woke up at 4:30 am, kissed my husband and cats goodbye, and dragged my zine-stuffed luggage out to our Prius in the faint dawn light. I was on my way to Pittsburgh, by way of airport shuttle and plane and rental car.

My destination was StokerCon, an annual gathering of horror writers, readers, and publishing professionals now in its tenth year. I’d heard so many good things about this annual celebration of horror. But if I’m being completely honest, I was nervous, too. Would I be able to overcome my social anxiety and natural introversion? I was about to find out.

Now that I’m home, I want to recap my experience and offer my honest thoughts on the highs, lows, and things I wish I’d known before attending. Tl;dr: It was an incredibly rewarding trip, and I’m planning to return!

If you’re thinking about attending Stoker next year, I hope this week’s newsletter might help you get a feel for the event.

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I knew what Stoker was going in, and I’d even interviewed some of the organizers for this newsletter. (Meta, I know!) But I still had so many questions about what the event actually felt like.

If you’re in the same boat, maybe I can help. On the first day, you’ll walk into the convention center and pick up a name badge and a tote bag full of goodies. Everyone will be greeting their long-distance friends or introducing themselves to familiar acquaintances while they wait in line.

You’ll check an app called Sched to see what panels and readings are going on throughout the weekend. There will be multiple events going on at any given time, so I definitely recommend planning which ones you want to prioritize. Some of my favorite panels brought authors together to discuss Black Gothic horror; balancing nihilism and hope in cosmic horror; and the bizarre parasocial dynamics of being an author online. (I also got to speak on a panel about horror influencers!)

There are several guests of honor each year who have special readings and panel discussions that delve into their bodies of work. I particularly loved getting to hear from Rachel Harrison and Billy Martin, two of this year’s guests of honor!

In the Pittsburgh venue, all the panels and readings are spread across two floors. The rooms are named after Appalachian geography. There is a map in the Sched app, which I did not know for way too long.

Finally, there are special events in the evenings, including a short film competition, an opening buffet dinner, and a ticketed awards ceremony. I don’t drink and tbh got incredibly overstimulated by most of these, but the film competition is absolutely worth attending. A definite highlight for me!

Meeting Horror People IRL

This was my primary goal in attending Stoker, and I met so many interesting people. From social media mutuals to past interviewees, authors and publishers to fellow horror fans, every single person who attended Stoker had something unique to offer.

I came home with a stack of business cards that should keep me busy for the rest of this year. The newsletter interviews are about to be so good!!!

Meeting horror people in person gave me the final nudge I needed to join my local Horror Writers Association chapter. I’m looking forward to hopefully attending future events in the Seattle area and deepening connections that began at Stoker.

Experiencing Biblical Levels of Greed

Have you ever experienced an ARC drop? I hadn’t. It’s when the StokerCon organizers scurry out with boxes full of books you can snag for free. I shamelessly filled my tote bag with books I’d been meaning to buy, physical copies of books I’ve gotten on NetGalley, and books that just looked interesting.

I also bought a few books in the Dealer’s Room, which is full of tables run by local bookstores and independent publishers.

Just outside the Dealer’s Room, there was an overflowing table of free goodies like stickers, postcards, zines, and comics that I picked through each day. I had fun adding physical copies of Scare Me! to the heap and watching people pick them up.

Higher-Than-Average Masking

My partner is immunocompromised, so double masking is a must for me when I’m in public spaces. I was pleasantly surprised to see so many other attendees masked up! No one looked at me sideways or questioned why I was taking precautions. I even got a very kind Instagram DM from one of my favorite authors, who (as it turns out) also masks in public spaces.

Special shoutout to author Leticia Urieta, who kept me company during a socially distanced snack break on Day 2. I traded her a zine for her short story collection, The Remedy is the Disease, which explores chronic illness, medical trauma, grief, and more. I can’t wait to read it!

For what it’s worth, I don’t judge anyone who no longer masks. You do you!

Exploring Pittsburgh

I’d never been to Pittsburgh before, and my verdict is that it’s a cool town. Three rivers cut through the city, which is precariously built into the Appalachian mountains. Hilly streets skew at dizzying angles, sometimes abruptly sheering off into expansive river views. Greenery chokes the hillsides, and thick brush threatens to swallow crumbling brick buildings. Nature’s incursion into the city is so profound that some streets have an almost post-apocalyptic vibe that pairs incredibly well with its thriving arts scene.

I didn’t have much time to venture beyond Stoker, but I did manage to sneak off to Vinegar Syndrome with my Macabre Daily pal Sean O’Connor. We went on a DVD shopping spree that I’ll post about in more depth soon!

I spent my last afternoon in Pittsburgh in the Squirrel Hill neighborhood, where I saw Backrooms for a second time and picked up hand-pulled noodles.

Matthew, the Cat Mayor of StokerCon

On the last day of StokerCon, I finally managed to meet Matthew, a Maine Coon who was cruising around the event in a stroller. He gave me a gentle, sleepy nose bump before settling back down for a nap, completely unfazed by the chaos around him. I. Love. Matthew.

ANXIETY

The lows were honestly a me problem. My natural baseline of anxiety is already pretty high, and being in an unfamiliar environment ratcheted up the discomfort.

At various points throughout the weekend, I had to:

Inevitably, I had a few socially awkward moments that will weigh on my mind for the next seven to twenty-three years while I try to fall asleep.

But the thing I told myself again and again is that it’s okay to be awkward, as long as you aren’t rude or snarky or mean. And I know for a fact that I was far from the only introvert stepping outside their comfort zone.

I’m choosing to view all of this as exposure therapy, and I’m honestly curious to see if next year will feel easier.

Persuade a Friend to Join Me

I would have felt so much better if I had a friend I could stick to all weekend! Luckily, my podcast co-host and IRL friend Maya Rector is already considering attending next year. I’m hoping we can take our spooky tarot podcast on the road and maybe even record in person together!

Take Grocery Shopping More Seriously

Pittsburgh has great food, but I am picky and anxiety makes eating even more difficult. Next year, I’ll stock my hotel fridge with some simple options in case takeout feels too daunting.

Pitch a New Panel

As you all know, I love interviewing people! And as you may not know, my day job increasingly involves developing content for live and virtual events. I’d love to pitch a panel or two next year, and I came home with a few fun ideas tucked in the back of my mind.

Queerness and horror have always gone hand in hand—and that includes the bisexual community. For next week, I’m putting together a list of some of my favorite bicons in horror, inspired by a series that’s running all month over on The Weird Girl Edit.

After that, I will hopefully have a fantastic new interview to share. Now that I’m back home, I’m working on setting up a call about an incredibly cool film festival that I can’t wait to tell you all about!

Scare Me! is a free weekly horror newsletter published every Thursday morning. It’s written by Michelle Delgado, featuring original illustrations by Sam Pugh. You can find the archive of past issues here. If you were sent this by a friend, subscribe to receive more spooky interviews, essays—and maybe even a ghost story or two.